Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
