I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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