i just had sex bonerless
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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