Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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