someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
