Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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