WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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