He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
