Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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