I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
