Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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