You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
