he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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