remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize