He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
