Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
