tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize