its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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