i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
