I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
