I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
