he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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