I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
