I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
