You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
