and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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