im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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