Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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