I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
