You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize