why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
