Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
