using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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