She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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