At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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