It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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