Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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