Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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