we have officially lost it.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
