i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Randomize
