I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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