well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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