He disabled his match.com account in front of me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
