I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he was CRYING into my vagina
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
