You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
