So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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