Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
