That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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