so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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