Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
