your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
