More tranny stories later!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
They are going to name an STD after you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
