if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
