these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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