I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
These tits shall not be calmed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
