i think my tv is drunk
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
