i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
