is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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