i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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