Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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