Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
