Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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