I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
