I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
