billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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