God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
