Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize