I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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