Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
