I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My bed smells like the plague
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
