I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
