My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
