dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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