I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
