we have officially lost it.
This is not my ceiling
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
