Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
