my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
