One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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