You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize