Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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